im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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