I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
