dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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