We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
