i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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