I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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