dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
