I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
