You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
