I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
