i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
