Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
