just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
