I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
sex in a hospital.. check
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
