she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
