she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
