One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
