I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
