dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
