An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize