I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
