Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
