I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
