I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
