Swine flu. Run for my life!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
