you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
