He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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