I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Boobs are out for the taking
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
