i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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