Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
