This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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