You work out of a Hotel?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
