R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
