flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
