just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
