the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
