Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
