so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
