Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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