but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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