apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
