this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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