69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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