We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
