8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
