All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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