In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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