thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
