Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
