She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
