Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's blow job season.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
