i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
