I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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