He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize