Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize