Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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