Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
