i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
