Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
True strength comes from lack of pants
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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