Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
