can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
