Umm I'm too high to move.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
