I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
