DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
