Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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