So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
