The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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