We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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