I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
