Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
