It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
