what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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